i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
