i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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