Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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