Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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