i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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