So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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