I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
