guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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