Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
