Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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