I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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