she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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