I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
