so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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