haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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