I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
