I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
