The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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