Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
