Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
