i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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