I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
