i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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