He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
