Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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