why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
