I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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