K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
