I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
