things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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