Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
