Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
