I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
