I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
BRING THE BAGELS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
