I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
