I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
