My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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