curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
