I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We left the knife in your bed.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
