You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
