Kiss
Puke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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