Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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