There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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