I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
