Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
