youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
