I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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