i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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