the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
