Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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