Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
