wanna go halves on a baby?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
