Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
