I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
