I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
